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May 08, 2006
David Blaine is an idiot
So tonight, against my better judgement, I watched David Blaine attempt to hold his breath for a record breaking 9 minutes. This was after his week-long stint in a human fish bowl. Now it is normal at this point to ask why anybody would do this. My only excuse was that I just got back from the gym and was too lazy to search for something better to watch.
David Blaine used to be respected in my opinion. Back in my High School Days, he would go around doing his "Street Magic." He did stunts like "levitating" or biting a quarter. However, with the help of the internet, you can find a guide on how to do his "street magic" and with some free time and practice on being ridiculously "intense" you too can become a Blainey.
So maybe it was the Internet that drove Blaine crazy. There wasn't any way that he could prove to the world that he was somehow magical, more intense or even more special than the next kid who spent too much time in a magic shop. Therefore he switched to attempting feats that no other person would ever bother to do:
1. Stand on a really high place for a long time.
2. Live in a acrylic box over the thames for a long time.
3. Live in a human fish tank in NYC for a long time.
4. Try to hold breath for 9 minutes and fail.
Now while I understand that none of these feats are technically "easy," they still piss me off. Blaine isn't attempting for any other reason than to make himself look cooler. At least in school they taught us if you're going to do something like walk for a really long time for no reason, raise some money for a charity while you're doing it and call it a walk-a-thon. Apparently Blaine must have gone to some kind of private school or something.
And so it upsets me that ABC dedicated an hour of live programming of watching a pruny David Blaine attempt to hold his breath for a long time. If there was a way, I would like ABC to give everybody who watched their time back, take back the money that they used to prepare the live broadcast, the goofy doctors, and the money they gave David Blaine for this personal publicity stunt and all contribute it to something worthwhile.
Posted by Bryant at May 8, 2006 11:38 PM